I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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