I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
