I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize