I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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