haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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