Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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