Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
