What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
