when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Randomize
