Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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