I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
