Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
