I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
