Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
