Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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