I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
