if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
