Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
