And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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