apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
