Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
