Swine flu. Run for my life!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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