you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
