i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
