Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
