shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize