Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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