There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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