He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The beer is more important than you right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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