i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
