I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize