you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
