I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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