There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
