Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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