Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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