i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
