how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
