take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
