Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
