mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
