he thought i was a dude.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
