Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
