So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
