definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
