New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
