Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
