i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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