just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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