i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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