ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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