I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize