I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
