Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
