I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
