woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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