I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
