Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
