I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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