I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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