I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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