i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
