mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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