AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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