Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
