i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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