I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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