the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
