worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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