Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
