is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
