I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
