i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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